Copyright © 2017 by Jo Barlow
20th December 2017
Right that’s it. I am going to start drinking alcohol again. I know I haven’t drunk for 25 years, but I am fed up for being the only one sober all the time. I have stopped feeling confident about myself, I need to take loads of selfies to prove my happiness and worth to myself. I feel I need to drink again to be socially accepted and society makes it so unsociable being teetotal, I feel an outcast! I miss the feeling of being slightly out of it, something taking me out of my body and having control over me. I want to gather with friends to drink, so I can forget about how insane and unpleasant my life and the world is. Just feeling a little pissed…
I want to go to gigs and talk about something so that the other person does not understand half of what I am saying and the other half wishing they couldn’t. I want to act inappropriate. I want to drool over young men and embarrass them and myself. To play with other men’s long hair in the way other drunken women do to my husband-
I want to forget much of my life – to take that chemically lobotomizing alcohol again. My life is crappy enough so I might as well be broke and hung over because I’m too scared to deal with it. Although being hung over is nowhere near as bad as having a brain tumour-
I feel I need alcohol to help spice up my empty life and make the boring gigs tolerable and wine o’clock the day away, I am happy that my soul can die a slow death trying to fit into the herd. I’m fed up with not fitting in. Alcohol is an acceptable way to fit in. I am happy if my kids copy my behaviour-
I miss that feeling of not quite remembering what happened the night before, if I said or did anything I would regret or if I gave my phone number to the nice looking guy at the bar… or went home with him…
I will also be able to stop worrying about what else I shouldn’t do-
The Chief Medical Officers’ in UK say I can drink 14 units of alcohol a week safely, so I believe them, and that this amount won’t increase my risk of cancer or any diseases. I’m sure a few extra glasses over this won’t hurt, as after all they will be overly cautious in the advice. I know they would say if there were any risks to drinking. After all I believe all the government tells me.
I am more than happy to spend £30-
And finally, if I wobble, people might just think I’ve had a brain tumour instead and not that I am too pissed to walk straight…
…& just in case you were not sure, or don’t know me…I am only joking 💕!